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"Few things put more strain on a marriage than tensions with in-laws," Ron and Jorie Kincaid write in their entertaining and applicable In-Laws: Getting Along with Your Other Family.
Unfortunately, most in-laws don't know the maxim: "Differences don't give us the freedom to judge other people." Where there are differences, there are potential problems, which often surface as criticisms.
"One reason criticism from in-laws can be so hurtful is that we don't expect them to be enemies. They are family. We count on them to be on our side. We hope they will build us up, not tear us down," write the authors.
While it is impossible to change others, we always have the power to change ourselves. Taking "responsibility for our own happiness" means less need to control, or to be controlled, by others. Our example can then be a positive influence in the relationship.
Included are tips for those extreme parents-in-law who simply must meddle in their grown children's affairs, as well as advice for insensitive married children who see their in-laws as nothing more than a form of free babysitting.
Designed for use with Saltshaker Groups, each chapter ends with "Questions for Reflection or Discussion" that allow readers to express their own thoughts.
The late Hubert Humphrey once observed that "behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law." It doesn't have to be that way. "Mom," "Dad", "Son," "Daughter," -- regardless of lineage -- can be just that.
Clay Stafford is a writer living in Franklin, TN.
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