Making Love Last Forever

By Gary Smalley

Word, $21.99
ISBN 084991194X

Also available on Audio, $15.99
Audio ISBN 0849962196

Marriage By The Book:
Happy and Eternal

Counselor offers tools to maintain wedded bliss

Review by Robert Liparulo

Oh, no! Another marriage manual! At least that's what you might say when you first come across Making Love Last Forever. After all, there seems to be more books about marriage than there are marriages.

But wait! The author's name catches your eye: Gary Smalley. Why, isn't he that relationship expert who's written the bestsellers Love Is a Decision and The Language of Love, among others? Yup.

And isn't he the family counselor whose books and videos have sold over twelve million copies? So maybe the book deserves a once-over.

Here's where what you thought you knew about self-help books flies out the window. The reasons: First, this one's actually readable -- concise, entertaining, and humorous. Next, it's comprehensive -- covering everything from teenage dating to the subtle gender differences that can wreak havoc on unsuspecting couples. And most important, it's practical and truly helpful -- it represents Smalley's lifelong commitment to strengthening marriages and incorporates all the trial-and-error lessons he's learned through hands-on experience with couples in various stages of marital bliss.

Smalley starts by firming up the foundation upon which all relationships must rest: the reader's own ability to love life. He shows how unresolved anger and grief can haunt your every thought, spoiling what could otherwise be wonderful experiences. Then, using real-life stories and meticulous logic, he demonstrates how recognizing the emotion behind the anger -- it can be fear, frustration or hurt -- leads to the first step toward letting it go. Don't worry, he's too thorough to stop there: With point-by-point instructions, Smalley leads the reader through the additional steps, such as forgiveness, understanding, and handling guilt, until the process is complete.

With keen insight, Smalley identifies the way you handle life's disappointments as key to building self-worth and developing your ability to give and receive love. He explains how even the most scathing "sand storms" can yield precious pearls. Balancing expectations and reality and learning to accept responsibility for those times we infringe on others help us understand who we are. The degree to which we succeed, writes Smalley, "can make or break our love for life and the satisfaction we receive from relationships built on respect and honor."

Having given readers the tools to appreciate life in general, Smalley moves into the second half of the book with an even grander goal: to prove that lifelong happiness with one mate is not only attainable, it's the way God intended marriage to be. Most of us understand this, but not its implications -- honoring our spouse and honoring God are so connected, so interwoven that they cannot be separated without damaging both relationships. With bullet points and examples, Smalley explains how to lift your marriage toward heaven, and infuse God's kingdom into this cherished union.

Smalley dedicates several chapters to what he has identified as the thing couples yearn for most: better communication. "Communication is the key," he says, "to what all of us who marry basically want . . . to love and be loved." By explaining distinct personality types, the differences in male and female communication styles, and how to translate all this into marital understanding, Smalley lays the groundwork for rock-solid emotional intimacy.

Now you understand why Making Love Last Forever is far from just another marriage manual. And after you and your better-half take Smalley's self-tests, try out his helpful hints, and dog-ear most of the book, you can bet that your marriage won't be just another marriage -- it'll be carved in stone.

Robert Liparulo is an author, freelance reviewer, and a married man in Colorado Springs, CO.