His eleventh book, When Men Think Private Thoughts, certainly bears this out. MacDonald tackles the problems men face surrounding the "shadowy concept of masculinity" in our culture. With his customary sensitivity and straightforward style, he takes a scalpel to these masquerades and opens them for readers to see. (He thinks all human beings have these private thoughts; he just addresses a men-only audience in this book.)
In the Introduction, MacDonald classifies men's private thoughts by type as comparisons, personal grandeur, feelings, shame and guilt, self-value, death, and religious thoughts. These private thoughts generally fall into categories of delusions of grandeur or delusions of insignificance. Regardless, MacDonald says, from the earliest days of life, boys are trained to limit exposing their feelings. The warrior model is upheld for them, and they are admonished not to cry. Their closest friendships generally occur before they reach age 23. They learn to ignore the signals of the heart, and if they are good enough at it, they may never have to deal with them. Rough and tough -- there's a "real man."
MacDonald is not writing from a vacuum. Senior pastor at Grace Chapel in Lexington, Massachusetts, he draws his conclusions from talking to groups of men at least once a month for the past several years. In his own church he speaks to a regular monthly male-only event called First Monday. He has watched the intimacy grow as men let down their facades and gained new strength from sharing.
Part of MacDonald's motivation in writing this book comes as a result of his conviction that the church doesn't do any better than the culture in providing opportunities for men to share both their weaknesses and their need for friends.
"The evangelical church has too often believed that God speaks to the individual, not to the gathered group," says MacDonald, "so real friendships between men in the church tend to be chance occurrences. The church has a lot to say about marriage -- most of the Christian relationship books of the last 20 years have been about marriage -- but it doesn't have much to say about friendships for men."
MacDonald also thinks that women in the evangelical church tend to be disappointed with their husbands. Evangelical theology has a certain edge to it that encourages women to expect perfection always, and that puts a terrible burden on a Christian marriage. He reminds all of us of a basic Christian message -- we no longer have to make each other perfect, and sooner or later we must decide whether we're prepared to be devoted to another sinner. Our perfection is found only in the atoning work of Christ.
When Men Think Private Thoughts is not proof-texted at every paragraph, but MacDonald is satisfied that every thought is biblical and biblically based. In fact he invites readers to test the content. He wants the book to reach those who need it and he doesn't think anyone will lose their faith as a result. Evidence for this is found in the Epilogue entitled A Memo to my Grandsons: An Old Man's Private Thoughts.
When asked about his next book, MacDonald said he's exploring how does a Christian manage real disappointment? He's just begun to think about this topic, but we can be sure when his thoughts have jelled, we will have another thought-provoking book from Gordon MacDonald.
James Cutler is an active layman and reviewer from Portland, OR.
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