Copyright ©1996, ProMotion, inc.
www@acloserlook.com
America is growing older, say the authors of My Parent, My Turn. In 1900, four Americans out of every hundred were 65 or older; today 11 or 12 percent of us are of retirement age. Twenty-five years from now, according to census bureau projections, a whopping 20 percent will be at least 65Ņand the proportion of elderly will continue to grow for at least ten years beyond that. Many of these older people are our parents, and a high percentage of them need help of one sort or another.
Authors McIlwain and Bruce look closely at a number of areas in which the older generation may need assistance from the younger. Many have health problems: high blood pressure, chronic pain, heart disease, cancer, urinary incontinence, or the dreaded Alzheimer's. The majority have financial concerns. Even if their present needs are well covered, most can't help wondering how they would meet extended-care costs, now averaging $30,000-$40,000 a year. Fears are common, not only the expected fears of disease, disability, loneliness, and crime, but also the even more pervasive fear of loss of independence. Our parents need our help, but they are afraid of what life will be like if they accept it.
My Parent, My Turn is an intensely practical handbook for caregivers and others concerned about the health and happiness of the older generation. It does not deal with philosophical or theological questions about aging, nor does it pay much attention to psychological concerns such as enhancing parent-child communication, dealing with a troubled family history, or assuming the uncomfortable role of parent to one's parent.
Rather, it assumes that the children are willing to care for their parents and the parents to cooperate with their children, if only both generations can figure out how best to do this. With adequate support and healthy attitudes, the authors assert, elderly parents can retain their independence and their joy in living.
Studding each chapter with encouraging stories about seniors who aged successfully--as well as cautionary tales about those who refused to accept the changes of advancing years--the authors offer checklists, charts, and suggestions to help parents maintain or move toward joyful independence. We learn, among many other things, how to tell when to intervene, whom to call for support, how to adapt the family home to keep a frail parent safe, how to evaluate housing options, what kinds of exercise can be done by people in wheelchairs, the fiber content of various foods, how to afford the help we need, and at the end, Appendix B offers 12 pages of more resources than seem possible, including those we would expect (American Cancer Society, AARP) and some we might not (Society for the Advancement of Travel for the Handicapped, Canine Companions for Independence).
Though McIlwain and Bruce assume that most readers will be the middle-aged children of the elderly, they also point out that "24 percent of the senior population must depend on friends, neighbors, and the church for support." As Christians commanded to love one another, say the authors, we cannot ignore the growing population of frail, dependent older people, whether or not they are directly related to us. We must put feet on our faith.
Nor can we ignore our own needs as caregivers. As followers of Christ who willingly go the second mile, we are subject to "compassion fatigue." How can we ever meet the needs of our parents, spouse, children, church, and community, and still retain our sanity? Thankfully, My Parent, My Turn begins with a chapter on balance. We cannot be perfect, say the authors, but we can be "good enough," especially if we plan well so that crises are prevented.
And planning is what this handbook is about. Its readers will come back to its wisdom and practical suggestions time after time as they face their parents' changing needs.
LaVonne Neff is a writer and editor in Wheaton, Illinois.
Copyright ©1996, ProMotion, inc.
www@acloserlook.com