Family Shock

Keeping Families Strong

By Gary R. Collins
Tyndale House Publishers, $19.99

ISBN 0-8423-1756-2

Review by Robert Liparulo

Shaking Up Family Foundations

Families today are being rocked off their foundations like never before. The tremors are felt in skyrocketing divorce rates, teenage pregnancies, juvenile crime, and more subtly in the frustration of parents who just can't seem to communicate effectively with their children.

What's causing this assault? And, more important, how can families shore up their foundations and hold strong? Answering these questions with careful research and lucid writing is Gary R. Collins in his new book, Family Shock.

As president of the American Association of Christian Counselors and editor of Christian Counseling Today, Collins has seen the erosion of the family firsthand. He's also witnessed incredible restoration and awe-inspiring perseverance in individual families.

Despite its scary title (which plays on Alvin Toffler's frightful Future Shock), the message here is one of hope and encouragement. That alone distinguishes this book from so many others that decry the downfall of the American family.

It is not a eulogy for a bygone ideal or era. Rather, Collins cheers on a lifestyle that may have been injured, but not critically and certainly not fatally. It is physical, spiritual, and emotional therapy for the recovering family; it is strength training for those who've felt the shock waves, but who have so far persevered.

Collins identifies three forces that batter at families: catastrophic change, which is especially severe in our hectic techno-world; persistent pressure-to perform, produce, and provide; and pervasive pessimism. He goes on to address the family matters that are at risk of crumbling and how to shore them up for the long haul: intimacy, sex, respect, commitment, parenting, communication, faith, and so on. He tackles difficult issues such as divorce, grief, rebellion, and dysfunction. You'd be hard-pressed to find a family topic that escaped Collins' scrutiny.

All these varied subjects that affect today's family are lined up in manageable order, like a messy pail of Legos that becomes a fabulous creation. Even the word "family" is defined, as Collins points out that what we call the traditional family bears little resemblance to a biblical family. "Tear down those crazy beliefs that merely accommodate stress!" he seems to be saying. "Let's build our families with stronger material!"

You'd think that an author of such higher learning as Collins would write in the dry, highfalutin manner of college textbooks. Not so! Collins might as well be kicked back at the kitchen table talking to a close friend, for all the wit and clarity he's put into this book. Using real-life anecdotes, fables, stories, bullet-pointed statistics, lists of helpful hints, advice from other family experts, and old-fashioned straight talk, he paints a mural of the godly family in a way that is both entertaining and immensely practical.

In his quest to cover all the bases, Collins has enlisted help from the wisest pro-family minds: Stuart and Jill Briscoe, Larry Crabb, Josh McDowell, Gary Oliver, Dennis Rainey, and forty-four others. Each contributed a valuable and insightful article that examines an important family issue. Dr. Henry Virkler, for example debunks myths about extramarital affairs. "While a strong personal faith in Christ may reduce to some degree the likelihood of an affair," he writes, "the inoculation is far from 100 percent effective." Dr. Larry Crabb writes about the importance of mentoring and explains his rather surprising life mission: "To one day utter a sentence in the powerful energy of Christ."

Can't you just see it? All these family experts slapping on mortar here, stabilizing a support beam there; foreman Collins making sure every stone is secure. They're helping to build your family's castle, one that can withstand the blows of a turbulent world. The blueprints span 430 pages and bear the title Family Shock. The real shock comes when you realized how indispensable this book is.